There's Hope When Times Are Tough

I know 2020 was a hard year for everyone—a pandemic, loss of jobs, school closings, sickness, etc. It was a hard year for my family and me (not COVID related) too! It was supposed to be an awesome year, but then our dreams were ripped from us unexpectedly. This is my story of how we took a tough time and turned it into a learning opportunity and hope for the future. My wish is that those of you facing tough times will see hope through my story and know that you can get through your tough time as well!

We had big plans for 2020! We had the goal of getting rid of our mortgage—super exciting, right?! To make our goal become reality, we researched the best way to make that happen and came to the conclusion that selling our current home, buying a small amount of land, and building a modest home with no flash and frills was going to help us become mortgage free. We set out to make this plan come to life; we sold our home in April, we hired a builder and bought land in May.

Then began the fun part of designing our new home, we spent a lot of hours designing a floor plan that would fit our family’s needs. Like I said, our goal was to be mortgage free so we didn’t expect to have upgrades, but we did need a specific layout that would help our family function well. After a lot of back and forth, we finalized our home design and were ready to begin construction.

In August, we broke ground on our land to begin prepping it for our future home. We were excited! We took our kids to see their new “backyard” and where their new rooms would be located. They were pumped.

In October, everything came crashing down. We discovered that the builder we hired was not the professional he claimed to be. We paid him a LOT of money to get started with the build, but he was not using that money to pay the contractors he hired to work on our house. We confronted him, but he just continued to talk circles around why he wasn’t paying the contractors or what our money was being used for. We were devastated, disappointed, and just plain MAD!

We had invested so much time, energy, and money into this build. We wanted our money back! It was a whole year’s income this guy had stolen from us. This builder stole our home. He stole a roof over my children’s heads. He stole from the families of the unpaid workers. We were livid! I cried many tears thinking about how we would overcome this obstacle. 

We sought guidance from a lot of professionals. We were ready to avenge the wrong that had been done to us and those he had contracted. He needed to “pay” for his wrongdoing, and we were ready to make that happen.

However, this experience consumed us for a solid 6 weeks. All of our waking thoughts were focused on what to do, how to move forward, who to contact, and why did this happen. It was hard to sleep—we would wake up in the middle of the night, most nights, just angry. Most of our conversations were about this incident. It was affecting us individually, our relationships, and our parenting.

The holidays were approaching by this time. We didn’t want to ruin Thanksgiving or Christmas for us, our kids, or our families so we decided that it would be best if we took a “break” from this whole situation to breathe and try to enjoy the holiday season. We let our friends and family know that we did not want to discuss this matter until after the New Year. They all respected that decision.

There is Hope

It’s in those moments of quiet that God teaches us. That’s what happened when we took a “break” for the holidays. God began to show us (more like shove it in our face with blinking red lights) how to heal from this horrific event that took place.

I read a short devotion each morning and through those devotions God began to remind me about forgiveness. God reminded me of Colossians 3:13, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” God forgave me of EVERYTHING I have done, thought of, or will do. My job, as a Christian, is to demonstrate the same love that God has shown me. I must forgive.

Forgiveness does not mean that what this builder did is now ok. It doesn’t mean what we went through doesn’t matter now. Nor does it mean that it didn’t hurt (it hurt a tremendous amount). Forgiveness means that I have decided to wipe my heart clean of the bitterness I feel towards this person and begin to heal.

My ability to heal from this situation doesn’t mean that the builder sees the wrong in the situation, or that he receives adequate consequences. Trust me, I wanted to be the one dishing out the consequences, but I have to trust that God’s justice is enough—whether I ever see it or not. If I don’t choose to move forward and forgive this person, then my healing will continue to be held hostage by this person. Forgiveness is about freedom—freedom to move on and live my life again!

Does this forgiveness come easily? Definitely not! I learned this the hard way the other day. The builder had a silent partner in his business that we had contacted back when everything turned upside down to see if the partner could help us get through the situation. My husband received a call from that partner the other day to check on us and see where we stand with the whole ordeal. I overhear my husband tell the partner, “We have decided to forgive you and not hold you responsible. We just want to move on from this.” All of the anger I felt before came rushing back. Yes, we both had decided to forgive them, but hearing the words uttered was real. It was hard. It felt like admitting defeat.

My husband (he’s a very wise man) helped point out that I had forgiven them on the surface, but it’s another step towards being truly free to forgive them out loud. God didn’t just forgive us on the surface; He sent his son, Jesus, to forgive us out loud!

Being able to move past surface level forgiveness towards full forgiveness has allowed me to begin to heal and get back to the life I love!  I don’t feel angry all the time. My thoughts are not consumed by the terrible situation. I’m able to sleep more peacefully. I’m no longer obsessed with finding a solution and able to get back to creating memories with the ones I love.

Even though we experienced a terrible situation, God has shined His light on our family. We did not reach our goal of being mortgage free, but God taught me some very eye opening lessons: that He is always in control (no matter how bad things seem), His plans are greater than ours, there is always something to be grateful for even on our darkest days, and trust in Him always!

 If you are going through a tough time right now whether it be the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, financial hardships, or whatever it might be, my heart aches with you—truly!!  I wish I could reach through this screen and give you the hug you need! Please know that there is hope. Things will get better for you. Even if it’s hard to see through the darkness right now, there is light at the end of the tunnel—I promise! God has a great plan for you, and He will work it out in His perfect timing (it most likely won’t be our timing, but it will be the right time). While you wait for the storm to pass, I’m here for you if you need a friend! You are welcome to email, call or text me if you need someone to talk to (judgment free) anytime! 678.400.9032